Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
