I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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