It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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