I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize