We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
