We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
