Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
