I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
