Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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