Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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