she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
