i think my tv is drunk
are you so shy because you have an std?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
