you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
