The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
