Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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