I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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