why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
