He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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