I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
