I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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