I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
