he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
