So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
