garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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