I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
