I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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