i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
