Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
