just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
