OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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