direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
