god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
