did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
