When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
