we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
