I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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