I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
