You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I party with great urgency now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
