Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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