If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
