When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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