She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
