I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
