It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize