so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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