If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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