he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
