Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
