O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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