Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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