I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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