I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
