and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he shaved USA in his pubs
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
