I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's just like the Real World with babies
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
