You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
