Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
