dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
