if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
