An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
