I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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