your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
