I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
