I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
