Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
