he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You don't make any sense
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