we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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