Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
