So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
