If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
