I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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