I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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