i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize