Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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