I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if only i could text you this smell
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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