But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
