Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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