the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
