roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
